The Sex Lure, Balancing Hormones and the Mind

As I had my morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column captured my eye. A reader composed in with a dating dilemma and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women utilize sex to get love, and guys use love to obtain sex." This is a excellent summation of the "Sex Trap."

The Sex Trap resembles the Love Trap, where singles interpret great sex as love. But those who fall into the Sex Trap go even further since for these singles, making love brings enormous significance and effects.

Singles fall into the Sex Trap in one (or both) of 2 ways:

A.they believe sex is a required test of compatibility, (if the sex is great then the relationship will ready also).

B.more commonly, all consciousness heads out the window, and one or both formerly level-headed songs consider themselves a committed couple as quickly as they make love.
Rather than looking at whether this other individual might be a match on levels other than physical destination-- such as long-lasting requirements, requirements, and desires-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.

No doubt, it can be challenging to correspond with reality when all those hormonal agents are running wild. Our body responds to someone we are drawn in to by producing hormonal agents such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural mood enhancers), and testosterone ( boosts sexual desire), makings the chance to make love with someone we are drawn in to extremely hard to resist. Then, after orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts upon the hypothalamus to produce emotions), that makes us feel really near and bonded with our sex partner.

These chemical reactions are involuntary and strong , causing effective feelings of destination, enjoyment, love, wellness, and closeness .

However when problems develop, those who fall into the Sex Trap typically rationalize by believing, "Well, we've got issues, however the sex is great!" They probably would not confess it, but they prioritize physical intimacy and concern the rest as optional. Their primary scouting tools are sexual destination and physical compatibility.

Barry North, an RCI coach who works primarily with gay guys, says that numerous of his customers have actually fallen into the Sex Trap.

" For gay men particularly in city areas, sex is easily offered, and that in itself is a trap," North states. Why waste your time if the sex isn't really going to be excellent?".

Nonetheless, North includes, "I believe this is a ' person' thing instead of a 'gay' thing.".
I do wish to explain that chemistry is necessary. Chemistry is a offered that we cannot control in a relationship; it is either important source there or not there, and it must be there for the collaboration to work. If not there, we can't "make" chemistry happen, though in some cases it can grow gradually.

Songs who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry threat relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication disappears and reality hits.

To prevent the Sex Trap, you should balance your heart (and hormonal agents) with your head. This means integrating chemistry with good sense. While great sex is necessary for a sustainable relationship, you need to make your partner choices by paying complete focus on your vision, goals, requirements, and worths -- while feeling all those interesting stimulates!

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